As I was finishing my dinner of a grilled cheese, French fries with cheese and a slice of apple pie with cheese (I enjoy cheese) at Umphrey Lee, I walked outside to feel the bitter cold hit my face. It was a pleasant surprise, however, because the cafeteria had started to become stuffy and warm. I was well equipped to handle the weather with my Sublime hoodie and gym shorts.
I retreated back to Peyton Hall at a slower-than-usual pace. The weather was so perfect and so beautiful that I tried to take it all in. The sun was setting just behind the 7-Eleven. Life was perfect.
Suddenly, I heard something coming up behind me. You know exactly what I'm talking about. The sound of a swish. So I moved to the left so that a bicycle could pass me (STAY ON THE STREET!) when suddenly, I realized the noise had subsided.
Confused, I turned around only to find a gigantic soft arrow from a NERF gun in my eyeball, followed by the shouting of someone yelling, "You're dead! We got you! Yes!"
What was going on here? I was just enjoying my granny smith apple like every other night, when suddenly I had been assaulted by someone with a NERF gun. Is that how you write it? All caps?
"Why did you do that?" I asked the assailant.
A look of confusion and horror came across his face.
"You aren't Jason!" he said, frowning almost.
Me: "No, I'm blind."
Assailant: "What?"
Me: "Nothing, it was a joke."
Assailant: "I don't get it!"
Me: "I know you don't. Why would you shoot people in the eye with foam darts?"
I then learned of something called VS Mafia, with the VS standing for Virginia-Snyder. Apparently, members of the honors community run around with NERF guns, shooting other members of the honors community who also have NERF guns. Wow.
Whatever, I don't have a problem with it, but I do have a problem when the next day I was trying to learn something in my math class, when someone stands up and yelled, "You are dead, Thomas!"
Yeah, Thomas died while trying to learn the binomial formula.
And Charlton? You heard about Charlton, right? Charlton died while eating a chocolate chip cookie.
My number one problem is seeing people running around with a yellow little gun screaming with delight. Don't get me wrong; I'm not like Ebenezer Scrooge or anything, I just can't stand people running around screaming and laughing. Some might see me as this cynical, unhappy, emotionless, evil and 60-year-old man screaming at kids to get off my perfect lawn. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Those of you who have never seen me in person will be happy to finally get a description of my physical body. I am 6'5", about 210 lbs. and mostly muscle; I enjoy long walks on the beach, writing poetry and being happy.
A common misconception is that I hate people. Not true! I love all sorts of people! Just not the ones who scream and run around the parking lots yelling things like, "Derrick's dead!!!" Come on boys and girls, why not just listen to Girl Talk and be friends? Do we really need to use NERF guns?
This NERF thing is stupid and needs to stop as soon as possible before more people get their eyes shot out. Like me.
Now, I need to go clean my eye patch before I go to bed.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Pencil
Recently I logged in to my Facebook account to find that I had a friend request waiting for me. I didn’t really think much of it, seeing as different people usually add me every day. I’m THAT popular.
I didn’t accept it right off the bat, as I had to check my wall first and see who commented on my profile picture. I also had a very unusual Honesty Box message: “JP u so hot! Be my gf!” Oh to know who wanted to date me!
Finally I got back to my home page where I noticed that I had been invited to join a group, “STOP THE NEW FACEBOOK!” Everyone seemed to be so angry about a social networking website that was changing its layout. I decided to comment on group’s page.
Me: I don’t really understand the big deal here. Change is usually for the better. All they are doing is catering to the overwhelming number of people who are joining this site. Please, let them manage it and leave them alone.
“Tony”: Man u be actin’ stupid! shut up lol
After noticing society being dragged underwater at an alarming rate, I decided to see who exactly added me on Facebook.
It turned out to be a girl who I had a gigantic crush on in 10th grade. It was a very odd relationship by society’s standards. It was already into the “friend zone”. We were best friends and told each other everything.
Emotions inside of me begin to build up and I soon realized that I had very strong feelings for my best friend, which creates a problem. It also creates a dilemma: tell her how much she means to me and pray that we fall in love, or never mention it again.
So sitting in geometry class, I pondered what I should do. “Missy” sat in front of me and we would often talk about how stupid and boring the class was. “This class is so stupid and boring”, we would say to each other, followed by a giggle from her.
In my head, I knew how it would happen. “Missy, I’m in love with you!” and she would say, “JP I’m in love with you too!” Then we’d kiss and everything would be right as rain.
I decided to go for it, and just tell her everything I wanted to tell her. It had been building up for quite a while now, and I thought that tell her my love in the middle of my geometry class would be the perfect opportunity to tell her. Count to 10 and just do it!
“Hey Missy,” I whispered, so no one could here. Although I kind of wanted everyone to hear. But not now, I had to tell her first.
“Yes, JP?” she said as she turned around and stared at me. I never really knew how beautiful she was until she looked at me with those blue eyes and brown hair. She was so gorgeous; it was almost numbing to look at her.
“Can I ask you something? Like, for serious?”
“Of course, JP!”
“Missy, I-“, I started when she abruptly cut me off.
“OMG I forgot to tell you JP! David asked me out!!!”
“Oh…he did? That’s so awesome.”
“I know! I’m so excited! OK, what did you need to ask me?”
“Oh…um…do you have a pencil?” I said, stunned and alone and using my improv skills to make something up.
“No, I don’t! Sorry!” she said, and turned around. Just like that, it was over with no chance. I almost broke down right there in the middle of class. I quickly composed myself and looked up at the projector where my teacher was bumbling over the Pythagorean theorem. I put my iPod on and listened to the Bloodhound Gang when the girl next to me asked me a question.
“You like Bloodhound Gang?”
“Yeah. They’re alright, I guess.”
I did a double take and kind of stared.
She was really cute.
I didn’t accept it right off the bat, as I had to check my wall first and see who commented on my profile picture. I also had a very unusual Honesty Box message: “JP u so hot! Be my gf!” Oh to know who wanted to date me!
Finally I got back to my home page where I noticed that I had been invited to join a group, “STOP THE NEW FACEBOOK!” Everyone seemed to be so angry about a social networking website that was changing its layout. I decided to comment on group’s page.
Me: I don’t really understand the big deal here. Change is usually for the better. All they are doing is catering to the overwhelming number of people who are joining this site. Please, let them manage it and leave them alone.
“Tony”: Man u be actin’ stupid! shut up lol
After noticing society being dragged underwater at an alarming rate, I decided to see who exactly added me on Facebook.
It turned out to be a girl who I had a gigantic crush on in 10th grade. It was a very odd relationship by society’s standards. It was already into the “friend zone”. We were best friends and told each other everything.
Emotions inside of me begin to build up and I soon realized that I had very strong feelings for my best friend, which creates a problem. It also creates a dilemma: tell her how much she means to me and pray that we fall in love, or never mention it again.
So sitting in geometry class, I pondered what I should do. “Missy” sat in front of me and we would often talk about how stupid and boring the class was. “This class is so stupid and boring”, we would say to each other, followed by a giggle from her.
In my head, I knew how it would happen. “Missy, I’m in love with you!” and she would say, “JP I’m in love with you too!” Then we’d kiss and everything would be right as rain.
I decided to go for it, and just tell her everything I wanted to tell her. It had been building up for quite a while now, and I thought that tell her my love in the middle of my geometry class would be the perfect opportunity to tell her. Count to 10 and just do it!
“Hey Missy,” I whispered, so no one could here. Although I kind of wanted everyone to hear. But not now, I had to tell her first.
“Yes, JP?” she said as she turned around and stared at me. I never really knew how beautiful she was until she looked at me with those blue eyes and brown hair. She was so gorgeous; it was almost numbing to look at her.
“Can I ask you something? Like, for serious?”
“Of course, JP!”
“Missy, I-“, I started when she abruptly cut me off.
“OMG I forgot to tell you JP! David asked me out!!!”
“Oh…he did? That’s so awesome.”
“I know! I’m so excited! OK, what did you need to ask me?”
“Oh…um…do you have a pencil?” I said, stunned and alone and using my improv skills to make something up.
“No, I don’t! Sorry!” she said, and turned around. Just like that, it was over with no chance. I almost broke down right there in the middle of class. I quickly composed myself and looked up at the projector where my teacher was bumbling over the Pythagorean theorem. I put my iPod on and listened to the Bloodhound Gang when the girl next to me asked me a question.
“You like Bloodhound Gang?”
“Yeah. They’re alright, I guess.”
I did a double take and kind of stared.
She was really cute.
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